30 Ways to kill Makoto Yuki
by Heswee
Summary: Literally a parody of some fiction.


Makoto Yuki, also known as Minato Arisato and Sakuya Shiomi by some, was walking down the road with his toy gun called Evoker. Now, he must venture throughout Tatsumi Port Island with his friends to hunt down the Strega. His intelligence is so low, that it is enough to make Mitsuru gave him a deck of bootleg Yu-Gi-Oh! cards out of pity. And also, all of his signature personas are drawn on MS PAINT in WINDOWS 1998!

Sometime after he got better from diarrhea, Makoto heard the news that the Strega was planning to do some weird ritual shit on top of Tartarus to bring down The Fall. Makoto and his friends must prevent that from happening.

However, over on his journey... Makoto encounters his mishaps as he ventures throughout Daytime and Dark Hour. All of which... Have put a stop to what he is today.

These are... The many deaths of Makoto Yuki

Death #1

Makoto was walking down the road when he noticed a carriage filled with barrels. He walks behind it and examines it more.

"Hmm... This looks interesting..." Makoto thought. Apparently, he decided to figure out what was in those barrels, as he thought it could be a bunch of bootleg Yu-Gi-Oh! cards which can powered up his Personas in some ways. Makoto then unloads the carriage.

Unfortunately, the barrels topple all over him. They were so heavy, that one barrel smashed Makoto's head and killing him.

...I guess Makoto thought those barrels could be unloaded softly...

Death #2

Makoto was at Hagakure Ramen rocking his drag outfit that he got from Elizabeth, he decided to get a Hagakure Bowl for lunch so he asked the owner behind the table.

"Hey asshole, could you fetch me a Hagakure Bowl?!" Makoto shouted rudely. "I'm damned hungry."

The owner gave Makoto his meal aggressively. "Here you go, you selfish degenerate."

Makoto ate his ramen, but the Hagakure Bowl taste so good that he wanted more. "Hey asshole, i'm not finished! Fetch me another one!"

"Okie dokie." He give Makoto another Hagakure Bowl complete with an extra hot soup this time, this makes Makoto's diarrhea kicked in again.

Eventually, several punks from the back alley of port island station walked into the bar, talking to each other.

Makoto was moaning in pain that he spouted out words that shocked the punks. "F-Fuck anyone who comes to this fucking ramen place! Y-You're all assholes!"

The punks were mad. "Hey! Watch your tongue, you bitch!"

"Who cares! I'm Makoto Yuki and I can say whatever the hell I want!" He shouted out again.

"Wait, he's that pretty boy from before!" The punks were surprised. "GET HIM, BROS!"

...Didn't Makoto's appetizer could push him THAT far...

Death #3

Makoto was bored, like really... He was. He noticed that Maiko and his father were there, so he decided to touch her.

Makoto went up to Maiko and touched her chest. Her father were mad.

"Excuse me, young…. lady was it? Did you just sexually harassing my daughter?!" Maiko's father yelled. Makoto looks worried.

"Uh, no..." Makoto excused. Maiko's father didn't look convinced.

"Touch my daughter again and you're a dead meat." Maiko's father frowned.

Makoto touched Maiko's chest again, and this time, his father snapped.

"HEY OFFICER! THERE'S A PERVERT THAT'S SEXUALLY HARASSING MY DAUGHTER!" Maiko's father yelled. Then Officer Kurosawa arrived with skeptical looks.

"Sexual harassment, eh?" said Officer Kurosawa as he look at Makoto. "What's your name, young lady?"

"Oh, I'm Elizabeth, officer," Makoto replied. He frowned.

"You look familiar." He take a closer look at Makoto.

"Aren't you that boy who lived with Akihiko Sanada? Makoto Yuki was it?" Maiko and his father were shocked.

Officer Kurosawa then decided to beat the crap out of Makoto because his stupidity makes him refuse to cooperate, though he might have gone a bit too far….

...Makoto really pulled his strings when he wanted to have some fun...

Death #4

Makoto was leveling at The Tartarus when he saw a shadow with fire lifting on top of it and Makoto grew bored.

"You know... Why didn't I throw myself into the fire like a retard I am." He though. He then threw himself into the fire, killing him. The rest of SEES were shocked.

"No… It can't end like this." Said Fuuka while everyone being shocked.

...There was no response...

Death #5

Makoto went to Paulownia Mall. He wanted to buy some item but he didn't have any money. So, he decided to shoplift.

Makoto was about to make his way to the front entrance when a guy at the front counter called to him.

"Excuse me, ma'am. Would you like to PAY for that?" He called. Makoto ignored and continued to make his way.

The clerk brought out his gun. "I wouldn't try that if I were you." But Makoto ignored him even more.

As Makoto pulled the door handle, he felt his heart stop by the shot from a gun by the clerk. He fell down to the floor... Dead.

...I guess Makoto doesn't know how to shoplift...

Death #6

Makoto wanted to shoplift more, but the clerk was preventing him. So, Makoto decided to try to kill the clerk with his Evoker.

"Ha! Eat this motherfucker!" Makoto pointed his Evoker at the clerk while being ready to pull the trigger. The clerk were surprised.

"Oh, shit! Officer Kurosawa, he's got a gun!" Officer Kurosawa then appeared to blast Makoto with a bigger gun.

...Who knew that Makoto's stupidity could cost him his life...

Death #7

Makoto was masturbating at Boku no Pico in his messy room. Then, he saw a broken power outlet that was fizzling.

Makoto decided to touch it. "Man... I wonder what hell electricity could feel like in my system."

He touched the outlet, which sends him sparkling black and white. It stopped, and Makoto was nothing but ash on the floor.

...Looks like you got... Electrocinterated. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!..

Death #8

Makoto was bored, so he decided to watch Teletubbies.

30 minutes into one episode and his chest was beggining to feel agony.

"Teletubbies come to PLAY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!" The evil voice said to the viewers.

...Makoto got a heart attack and died on Vietnam soil...

Death #9

Makoto was in an elevator with his friends, he had a bellhop named Theodore, and all of Makoto's companions are with him.

Then suddenly, Makoto decided to self-destruct the elevator. He activates Self-destruct mode on and relaxes on his chair.

SELF-DESTRUCT IN:

30:00

29:59

29:58

"W-What's going on!?" said Yukari in shock along with the other SEES members as well. The whole elevator were flashing red and blue from the sirens.

"It seems that our guest has activated the self-destruct protocol," Theodore said. "We're all need to get off this elevator. Are you ready?"

"Can't you find a way to deactivate it!?" Junpei asked him madly. Theodore shook his head.

"I'm sorry. There's no other way for cancellation, it's out of order." Theodore said to everyone, including Junpei. "Everyone, all aboard to the Teleporter!"

They all went on Theodore's level three teleporter from Team Fortress 2. Mitsuru was mad.

"So he betrayed us... a pity that he will have no choice but to die here."

Everyone teleported away.

SELF-DESTRUCT IN:

00:03

00:02

00:01

Makoto still sat on his chair, still not giving a fuck.

...Makoto barely had the time to say "mommy" before his entire body blew up...

Death #10

Makoto was inside one of Tartarus blocks when he realized that he forgot to bring items, evoker and every single members of SEES with him.

Somewhere deep in Tartarus, Makoto was running while being chased by the shadows. He tripped himself when he tried to climb the stairs.

"S-Shit... Goddammit..." Makoto falling down while the shadows are getting ready to finish him off.

...Makoto should really check his belonging before he go...

Death #11

This time Makoto was visiting the Velvet Room, but to his surprise the Velvet Room were empty somehow so he decided to leave.

But he can't find a way out, the door where he came from are now nowhere to be seen.

"Grrr... Son of a bitch, how am I supposed to get out from this damned place?!" He yelled.

Then, Makoto heard a really loud noise that goes "KLANG!" and the next thing he knows is that the Velvet Room are falling at a high velocity into the ground.

...You could say that he's grounded in the Velvet Room...

Death #12

Inside Paulownia Mall, Makoto got to the main halls. He carefully tiptoed on the marble floors when he sees an ATM machine close by him.

Makoto, curiously, decides to use the ATM machine. I mean... What could go wrong on this one?

When Makoto tapped onto the screen, there were three options...

1\. Deposit

2\. Withdrawal

3\. Press this if you are a fag and you have no life.

Makoto chose the third since he can't choose the former. He was greeted by a green Ogre named SHREK!

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!" It yelled madly. Makoto were confused.

"What the f-" The ATM machine exploded and Makoto was nothing but ashes on the marble floor.

...Check yourself before you Shrek yourself...

Death #13

"Okay my guest, you're almost there!" Said Elizabeth to him. "Just a little closer... And you will summon the most powerful Persona ever known to mankind."

Makoto decided to fuse his Orpheus Telos, Messiah, Helel, Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, Metatron, Sandalphon, Asura, Shiva, Vishnu and Ananta into a single Persona.

But fusion accident happen and he summon a pile of crap that looks like a slime instead.

"WTF?!"

Makoto yelled as he realized that Elizabeth deceived him. "You should know that this Persona has a special ability that can turns you into one of it's kind just by equipping it, I always wanted to see a human turned into a feces." said Elizabeth while smiling.

"SHIIIITT!" Makoto screamed while he slowly turned into a pile of crap.

...it sure is smelly around here...

Death #14

Makoto was bored, so he disguised himself as a fast food clerk at a local Wild-Duck Burger in the Iwatodai Station.

Makoto waited, then he was approached by a boy and his dog, they are Ken and Koromaru.

"I'm very hungry." Said Ken, the boy.

"I'd like to buy a mystery burger, please." Ken continues. Unfortunately, Makoto loved the mystery burgers so much that he couldn't let it go.

"No way, asshole. Go get your own mystery burger, FREAK!" Makoto gave him the middle finger, This makes Ken surprised and angry at the same time.

"I'm a customer, but you're being mean to me!" he looked at Koromaru "Go get him, boy!" Koromaru then jumped at Makoto and began to brutally eat him alive.

Koromaru looks happy.

...Who's a good boy...

Death #15

"Join the ISIS!"

Makoto was interested in ISIS a long time ago, so he decided to voluntarily joined the group.

However, ISIS are already hated on Makoto upon his arrival, so they were mad.

"ALLAH ACKBAR!" One of them screamed and suicide bombed Makoto Yuki. Blowing him up into pieces.

...HATERS GONNA HATE...

Death #16

Makoto was wearing his drag outfit that Elizabeth gave to him once again.

He strolled along until he hits a Demoman dressed in a Gekkoukan uniform.

"DAT SNIPAH'S A BLOODEH SPAH!"

The Demoman whacked Makoto in the head with his scrumpy bottle, killing him. "HAHAHAHAHA." The Demoman laughed.

...AYE! MEH BOTTLE OF SCRUMPY!...

Death #17

Makoto was being retarded, so he picks up a gatling gun which he stole from Aigis and tried to shot down every SEES members in the dorm.

But Makoto's aim was so bad that it confused everyone instead. Eventually, an assassin snuck up behind him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH..." Makoto was stabbed and fell into the floor.

...I never really was on your side...

Death #18

Makoto was at the local Wild-Duck Burger again because he already wasted so much of his time on his pathetic life doing unproductive things, but then he decided to go get a snack.

He went to the desk and was greeted by a robot named Aigis. "Good Morning, welcome to the Wild-Duck Burger. How may I take your orders?"

Makoto smirked but looked clueless. "What is this? A freaking shithole or something? I'll take a mystery burger." He held rectangle sheets of paper. "You accept this?"

"That's a weapon!" Aigis took out all of her firearms and blast Makoto off, killing him.

...Duh, Makoto died because he was stupid...

Death #19

Makoto was on a railway, then he sees two security guards down below him and figured out what he should do next.

Eventually, Makoto became stupid. He jumped down and killed himself.

The two security guards weren't notice it because they thought it was just a piece of plastic bag blown away by the wind.

...What was Makoto going to achieve by suicide?...

Death #20

Kazushi and Mamoru are two of the best athletes in town, one day when they're playing with their Sappy Meal toys from Wild-Duck Burger they saw Makoto in front of them.

"Hey Mamoru, check that loser out. HEHEHEHEHEH." Kazushi laughed.

"Yeah, Kaz! He looks like a pooper loser!" Mamoru laughed.

"H-Hey! I ain't-a loser you two, I'm Makoto Yuki! The motherfucker who comes to ruin your day." Makoto sarcastically said.

"Whoa, Makoto Yuki?! You mean that guy who sexually harassing a child in front of her father?!" Kazushi said.

"Oh shit, he's the guy alright! Hey Kaz, why don't we teach this psycho a lesson!" Said Mamoru.

"Yeah, let's!" Kazushi agreed. They stand up from where they seat and clenched their fist while walking towards Makoto.

"H-Hey! What the hell are you- HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" Makoto was beaten to death.

"Let's take out his clothes and put him in front of Gekkoukan." said Mamoru.

"Nah, let's just burn his body!" said Kazushi as he lit Makoto's corpse on fire. "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!" the two of them yelled from excitement.

...Oh, Makoto. Isn't your ego so annoying to you?...

Death #21

Everyone in the Dorm was hoping to eat a dinner together, but Makoto didn't show up so they decided to have a dinner without him.

Meanwhile Makoto got to a point where he decided to sleep on the railroad tracks. Hoping it would cool him down.

Eventually, as he slept, a train rolled right passed him. Killing him.

...I like Trains... I LIKE TRAINS...

Death #22

"SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY!" Makoto smoked 300 fags in the weed room and fell unconscious.

He sees visions of Snoop Dogg and the marijuana leaf flying all around him. It was pure happiness and death.

Snoop Dogg, wearing a Gekkoukan uniform with SEES armbands, came into the room and saw Makoto's corpse on the ground. "YOU KNOW WHO'S BACK UP IN THIS MOTHAFUCKA!"

...YADADADA. You know the momma with the DRE...

Death #23

Makoto was playing Innocent Sin Online alone in his room.

Unfortunately, he was shotgunned on the back after the Scout sees him and shot him on the back with the Scattergun. The Scout was wearing an Gekkoukan uniform.

"Hey, moron! How long does it take to beat a moron to death?" Scout asked Makoto's dead corpse.

...BAM! Sorry time's up!...

Death #24

Makoto was watching YouTube on his computer and sees a video called "FRED goes to the Doctor's".

"HEEEY, IT'S FRIEND!" Fred said. "AND I KIND OF NERVOUS BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR'S TODAY!"

Makoto got a heart attack and died.

...Fred videos are a no-go man...

Death #25

Makoto knew that he needed to skip past his death, so he went to the console and typed:

"Kill DEMMAKOTO'S"

Makoto blew himself up into pieces, along with his whole life.

...Makoto is dead, at least he know the best way to commit suicide...

Death #26

Makoto swim right through Mitsuru on the hot spring as her face turning red.

"MAKOTO! You indecent human being! DIE!" Mitsuru froze Makoto in an instant and then shatter it, killing him.

...I guess not everyone likes Makoto for who he is...

Death #27

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE RITUAL IS NOW COMPLETE!" said Takaya out loud. "NYX SHALL DESCENT UPON THIS WORLD!"

Makoto watched as something came out from the sky. It's not Nyx, it's just a regular Reaper! and it doesn't look very happy seeing Makoto.

"DEATH TO THE INFIDEL!" the Reaper roared! He lunged at Makoto, destroying him.

...The Reaper is powerful, eh?...

Death #28

Makoto's stomach acting up as his diarrhea kicking in again because he saw the Reaper, so now basically he's a time bomb. Luckily this time he bring an Evoker along with him.

"Persona!"

"BANG!"

Turns out it's not an Evoker, it's a real gun. Makoto just killed himself while the Reaper just looked at his dead body confused.

...That was easy...

Death #29

Makoto was smoking his weed in his fight against the Reaper, he looked at him madly.

"DEATH, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" Makoto screamed as the Reaper laughed.

"Bring it on, stupid!" Makoto lunged at him, but the Reaper pointed it's gun at him.

"DIE!" Makoto's body blasted into pieces.

...Remember kids, don't do drugs...

Death #30

"I-I finally defeated you, you bastard." Makoto huffed and puffed. The Reaper was on the ground, motionless.

Makoto contacted Fuuka and the others, explaining to them that it's all over and walked casually to the entrance.

Until... He sense an enormous amount of energy coming directly right above him. He looked around and turns out the Reaper are still (kinda) alive and cast Megidola on him as a last resort.

Makoto's body being dissolved in the Megidola... This marks the end of his journey.

...A warrior fights for honor, Makoto. And you were the worst of them...

RIP

MAKOTO YUKI

2006- 2018

SHITTY CHARACTER, SHITTY LEADER, SHITTY HUMAN LIFEFORM, AND SHITTY SOCIAL LINK.

Everyone at the funeral who knew Makoto took their moment of silence. Makoto was finally gone, at last. But that leaves three questions, who will stop Strega? Who will stop The Fall from happening? And who will restore this universe to it's former glory days?

Everyone turns... To none other... Than The P3FeMC.

"Hello P3FeMC, I hate Makoto... Can I be of your assistant instead?" Igor asked.

P3FeMC smiled. "Sure thing, old man. Let me go get my Personas ready and then we can start."

"LET'S CELEBRATE MY GUEST'S DEATH EVERYONE!" Elizabeth shouted.

The whole Persona 3 cast was all dancing, Makoto was finally gone and everyone lived happily ever after. No more Makoto, no more hard life.

"CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES! COME ON!"

"LET'S CELEBRATE."

The End.


End file.
